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August 31, 2005
"The torte strikes back"
Ever feel like this reading a torts case?
Update: I cane back here to look at the above picture at length. It really hit me how truly weird that is. The cyclops? The Jaguar? The apples in the sky? It makes me want to understand German. Or the Germans. Specifically, this Ulrich Kaiser fellow.
Posted by rj3 at 6:39 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
Oh happy day
The Thrown For a Loop Technical Support Team (TFALTST™) is out of the bush and has fixed the comment problem. Now, you can see all comments text and the entire sidebar in individual entry pages.
Posted by rj3 at 8:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 30, 2005
Kiss my assumpsit, law school-related stress!
Friday marks the one-month anniversary of my tenure in Chicago, during which time I have not been to a single concert. This is completely at odds with my previous habits and isn't helping me maintain the connection to reality that is constantly under threat by a mounting pile of important-looking books I have to read, highlight, outline and brief.
Happily, Bluestate favorite Of Montreal is coming to town, so I'll hopefully get to go, assuming I can find someone to go with me.
*Ahem!*
Posted by rj3 at 12:48 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
August 29, 2005
Since I've been gone
To continue the theme of blogging like I haven't left town, allow me a minute of your time to encourage attendance at Bluestate. The new, apparently goth-ier, two-person act appears at Saint-Ex tomorrow. I know how hard it is to get out of the house on a Tuesday night, but it's totally worth it in terms of free drinks and Swedish bands you've never heard of.
As an egotistical jerk who spends too much time writing in the first person, I fully understand how much my absence impacts the Bluestate experience for many of you. For this reason, I have taken the liberty of offering a handy replacement conversation you can print out and read at Saint-Ex, filling in your own responses to my witty banter.
Generic Bluestate Coversation
Me: Hey, what's up? Thanks for coming out tonight!
You: ________________________
Me: Well, I think some more people will come a little later. You know, _____ is playing at the Black Cat and ______ is at 9:30, so a lot of people will come here after the show is over.
You: ________________________
Me: Well, just the usual, with a few new adds. Have you hear the Hard-Fi album? It's hot - like Maximo Park meets The Libertines, only less dance-y. Except the song I'm playing. Have you heard it?
You:___________________________
Me: Oh, I'll email you a copy of the single.
You:___________________________
Me: Yeah, I think the bartender is the one who is the drummer in Monopoli, or the bassist or something.
You:___________________________
Me: Well anyway, thanks again for showing up, I know you have work Wednesday morning. I need to say hi to the DCist posse - they just walked in. I'll swing by later - do you want a free poster?
Posted by rj3 at 10:30 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
August 28, 2005
Put on your butterface
Just because I'm half a continent away doesn't mean that I don't follow the Washington news. As far as I can tell, it consists entirely of the controversy over what to name the National Zoo's new panda. While the popular sentiment (of a half-dozen people I know) is in favor of "butterstick," the Zoo isn't buying it, refusing to allow people to vote for any nonsino options, hacks aside.
I'm a sensible person. I realize that the baby panda is not just a cute, juicy and delicious small animal, it is also a symbol of international goodwill. If a Chinese name will make our eventual communist masters happy, so be it.
But "butterstick" is too good to cast aside.
Across town from the Zoo, the new baseball team with the forgettable name plays in a forgettable stadium with hats that piss off its deep blue hometown fanbase. Attending Friday's Cubs game and surveying the paraphanalia outside Wrigley Field, I came up with an idea that would simultaneously solve everyone's issues.
Keep in mind that pandas are rodents, not bears, eliminating any copyright problems aside from the obvious ones. Ladies and gentlemen, I present:
"Hey butter butter butter butter!"
"Butter up!"
Posted by rj3 at 5:19 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack
August 27, 2005
"Our captor is this fucking train."
I've been logging some serious time of late reading court decisions about missing pigs, laundromat employees with guns and just how sick your kid has to be before you're forced by Johnny Law to bring him to the doctor, so it is a great relief to see that DCeiver has posted a mini-play about suicide bombers on the Washington Metro for my decompressing pleasure. You you should read to the very end, seriouslaaah.
Somebody hire this man to write more of this before he gets fired for it.
Posted by rj3 at 8:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 25, 2005
Pop music refugee
With law school bearing its pinstriped Brooks Brothers fangs and Bluestate not the matter of constant musical concern it once was for me, it's getting increasingly embarrasing to answer music surveys like those from N.M. and DCeiver. My most recent CD download was Sufjan Stevens' Illinois, which sits in my car gathering dust. I haven't been listening to the radio and I haven't tested my new law school friends for trendiness and the ability to get a new album two months in advance.
That being said, let's see what iTunes says I listen to most often:
Belle and Sebastian, "Legal Man" (heh.)
The Jam, "Start!"
Ambulance Ltd., "Yoga Means Union"
Of Montreal, "Requiem for O.M.M. 2"
Fugazi, "Waiting Room"
Enon, "Litter in the Glitter"
Mario Castro Neves & Samba SA, "Candomble"
Mary Prankster, "Tits and Whiskey"
Black Keys, "10 A.M. Automatic"
Missy Elliot vs. Joy Division, "Love Will Freak Us"
Yep, not much new, interesting or hot in here, except for that random Brazillian tune. One of these days, I'll need to get in my car, for paper clips or something, and I'll get to listen to Sufjan. In the meantime, I'm gonna download N.M. and DCeiver's tunes.
Posted by rj3 at 2:05 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 24, 2005
The perils of urban beachgoing
(Click for bigger)
If you wanted a tan during the Air and Water Show last weekend, you were better off elsewhere.
Posted by rj3 at 4:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 23, 2005
Booty Calls
Today, we had the first opportunity to meet with some potential future employers, Chicago's large law firms. They sponsor our orientation and occasionally provide us with free breakfast and lunches. Today, they provided a decadent food spread that included flaky pastries with mushroom and cheese filling, duck quesadillas, steak kebobs, chicken wrapped in turkey, cheese, crackers and fruit. At the bar, students enjoyed two kinds of beer, champagne, wine and bellinis.
The firms each had a table at which recent law grads and recruitment specialists made small talk with the 1Ls, most of whom didn't have much to say, but talk they did, since maneuvering through the crowds to the table meant that you'd get a prize. An inventory of what I walked away with:
- A cool backpack-sling thing useful for biking;
- A magnetic dart set;
- A fancy travel coffee mug;
- A USB-powered book light;
- A "Law Student Handbook" with the Rules of Civil Procedure, Rules of Evidence and some other stuff;
- Many, many pamphlets.
The only problem is that these firms are hiring very few 1L summer associates and it is a rule across all law schools to hold off on 1L career advising until November 1. Therefore, these people just gave us at least $20 worth of junk with their name on it to encourage us to apply for already desirable and scarce jobs more than two very busy months from now.
Meanwhile, a group of students at a School of Social Work somewhere fight for Dumpster scraps around a trashcan fire.
Posted by rj3 at 8:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
"Hey baby, I invented the world's smallest pistol"
After a few light days of waiting in lines and milling around assorted atriums and breezeways, law school orientation started for real on Monday with hour after hour of speeches and announcements. Most of the material covered was rather rote (sexual harassment is bad, you should know that Adlai Stevenson went here, etc.), but one speech stood out: the admissions speech.
At undergrad orientation, the Dean of Admissions regaled us with statistics on our high SAT scores and GPAs, then picked out the best overstatements from successful applicants for special praise. Everyone wants to hear that they go to school with someone who rode around the world on a donkey, translating local newspapers into braille for the blind people of the third world or some such.
But yesterday's admissions speech went above and beyond, turning an uplifting view of fellow classmates into an half-hour parade of shame for those of us who failed to get any patents, venture capital funding, battlefield experience or record contracts in between school and entry-level work.
We have a small class here, so the endless parade of readers-to-the-blind, camel racers, Antarctic researchers and award winners seemed to cover the entire class. I've met the Fulbright winner, the guy who worked in 13 countries and the camel racer, but some of them were new to me.
Like the guy who invented the world's smallest pistol.
The Dean of Admissions paused as the tech guy in the back queued up the James Bond theme. As if the fact that this guy has three patents and I don't even own a proper drill wasn't bad enough, the dean went on to detail the weight (12 oz.) size (about that of a credit card) and other facts about this really small firearm. For the rest of the day, everyone was abuzz about the tiny gun and who may have invented it.
After what seemed like hours, the dean finished his list of people who are better than me. In the last 24 hours, I've met a lot of them, but not Little Pistol Guy.
Posted by rj3 at 10:41 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 20, 2005
"You come in here with a skull full of mush and you leave thinking like a lawyer."
Many people entering law school attempt to steel themselves to the harsh reality of what they are about to enter in to by buying books like the scary Law School Confidential and watching movies like The Paper Chase. I had the good fortune of reading the former after I met a few of my fellow classmates, all of whom laugh off the language about fighting over thousandths of a GPA point and being wary of advice in study groups.
Fact is, law students are just like other grad students, as far as I can tell. They party to blow off steam, they allow themselves to get over their head in work, they have other interests that they keep up during the semester. So far, upperclassmen here have told me that the worst thing you can possibly be in law school is a "gunner," or a student who fights for a professors attention by shooting off at the mouth on any issue brought up in class. In the past, I have had a tendency to do this, but the fear I feel about the whole experience will keep my head buried in my notes in class unless I'm called on.
Perhaps all the scary literature about law school will pay off after all.
Posted by rj3 at 7:21 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 19, 2005
Reason #937 that I'm glad I don't use hallucinogenic drugs
Becausue if I had major reality problems and a predeliction to paranoia, the fact that hundreds of boats have massed outside my window and the Blue Angels are buzzing the lakefront at window-level as part of the Chicago Air and Water Show, it might have me a bit on edge.
Not to stereotype gender roles, but Chicago is such a great city for men because they have an excess of the stuff stereotypical men like: red meat, cool airplanes buzzing around at 2 in the afternoon on Friday, baseball, fireworks, etc*.
*To that list I would have added "lots of hot chicks," but a certain hot chick would beat me up in the comments.
Posted by rj3 at 2:10 PM | Comments (326) | TrackBack
August 18, 2005
Super Cut-N-Paste Comix
While I'm busy with yet more rooftop drinking, take a look at a political comic strip that calls after my own heart. A newspaper editor in college, I often filled the ample empty space left by our piss-poor ad staff myself with infoboxes, short reviews and whatever struck my fancy late at night before deadlines. One semester, I had a weekly comic strip about life on the paper, Behind The Ink. The gag? I draw like a five-year-old.
Now go and read The Poor Man's Keyboard Kommandos and enjoy someone who had a better idea of what to do when they want to make a comic strip without actually drawing.
Posted by rj3 at 6:13 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
A note on post frequency and some other things
I have great plans for this blog, I really do. However, I have no digital camera for now, nothing to do during the day other than shop and hang out with new law school people and nothing to do at night but drink with same.
While this is good for me, it isn't great for the readers of Thrown for a Loop. When classes start, I will have much more time to procrastinate by posting all the time. So if you wait patiently, the party will end.
Posted by rj3 at 4:07 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
August 17, 2005
DCSOB never had any accounts in his name
I know that it doesn't make for good blogging to spotlight an article on the front page of your local newspaper, but since most of my readers are likely still D.C. holdovers and this is so amazing, it's worth it.
Anyway, this woman got a bill from her cable company that listed her name like this:
On the one hand, she said she called them 40 times about a broken cable box, which can be annoying to the poor sap who answers the phone for Comcast since he's on the other end and is forced by his job description to be nice, or at least not prone to the blow-ups so common on the other end of the line.
While the woman and the unnamed Comcast employee who changed her billing name both have dirt on their hands in this situation, the one innocent truly caught in the crossfire is the flak contacted by the Trib about the wrongs committed by her company.
"If this is not that customer's name, it shouldn't be on that bill," said Patricia Andrews-Keenan, vice president of communications for the company. "But we don't know why that happened. It's obvious that that's inappropriate to have a name like that on that account."
Well, duh. And since she works for Comcast, she has to be defensive on behalf of some idiot she hasn't even met.
P.R. is where journalists go to be hassled by journalists after getting tired of being hassled by P.R. people. It's a zero-sum game.
Posted by rj3 at 9:35 AM | Comments (382) | TrackBack
August 15, 2005
Outtatheway!
In between my apartment, the W and the lake is an empty patch of land with a fence around it and a sign advertising some new luxury condos going up at some point in the far future. No biggie, I thought - I'm moving somewhere cheaper after my first year, so any construction won't bother me. Besides, they don't have any construction infrastructure short of the fence.
Today, they started work on this ugly ass building, digging holes in the ground.
Call me a yuppie sell-out who cares more about his view than the plight (and lakefront views) of the poor, but this is complete bull. Hopefully, they'll take a long time to completely blot out everything wonderful about living here. Meanwhile, get in your visits while it's still bright and sunny in here.
On the brighter side, I went to the beach today with a cadre of newly-minted law school friends, ergo the people I will speak of at a cocktail party 30 years from now a person "I read law with in my days at Northwestern. Now where were we? Oh yes, razing the orphanage."
Tonight, we shall drink.
Posted by rj3 at 6:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 14, 2005
Weekend Notes
1. The carpet in my apartment is so thick that if you don't vacuum a spot, you can tell just by looking at the "current patterns."
2. An all-day "Night Court" marathon is just what I need to get psyched for orientation. John Larroquette, I'm coming for your job, or at least the job of the fictional character you played on a 1980s sitcom!
Posted by rj3 at 6:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 13, 2005
And now a bowl of hummus with sports
Local television news seems like it should be something I ought to have an opinion on, but I haven't watched much since I got here. I do, however, have a favorite newscaster name:
The possibilities presented in "cucumber dip" jokes alone boggle the mind.
From Telemundo Chicago.
Posted by rj3 at 6:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 12, 2005
What you don't want to see before morning coffee
Chicago isn't the sort of place where they dance around important truths.
Posted by rj3 at 10:36 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 11, 2005
Better pack a book
Chicago may be a great place to be, but it's certainly not an easy place ot get to. The highways are clogged at all hours, Amtrak is an unreliable mess outside the Northeast Corridor and O'Hare is the most-delayed airport in the country. I've only been there myself for two roundtrips, both times departing and arriving as scheduled. Had I stayed longer, I would have liked to do something other than stuff myself at Burrito Beach. The problem is that there's no WiFi at O'Hare, making this international hub a technology laggard. The city has been working on it, accepting bids and selecting a contractor, but the work is slow in coming.
From today's Sun-Times:
"Roberson has selected Broderick's client, Chicago Concourse Development, to install a wireless, high-fidelity system, known as WI-FI, to give travelers easier access to the Internet from their laptop computers at O'Hare and Midway airports. Roberson is awaiting City Council OK to begin negotiations with Chicago Concourse.It's been nearly two years since the city asked for proposals on the job. Nine companies responded, and it took the city a year to pick one, Chicago Concourse.
And now nearly another year has gone by, and the city has yet to strike a deal with Chicago Concourse to get the job done. The deal calls for the city to make at least $11 million over 10 years."
A "wireless, high-fidelity system, known as WI-FI"? Really now, what is this, 2001? Not only are most readers sophisticated enough to know what Wi-Fi is, but the description used provides no additional information as to what it is. Does printing in a smaller format actually make your reporters dumber?
Posted by rj3 at 12:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 10, 2005
Loopette: Back to the bars edition
I've been here a week and a half and I still don't have a home computer. My old notebook is useless pending the arrival of an AC adapter in the mail and my new box is on its way from China, Malaysia or wherever else they come from. Posting has been light because I have to fight with the porno-loving bums at the library. My camera is busted, so you'll have to wait for my excellent photography until my disposable camera is done and developed.
Some good things:
- S.S. card and cash in hand, the DMV took less than an hour. Sure, they made me take a written test even though I had a valid American license, but it was easy. An example question:
17. If we catch you driving drunk, you are:
a) Given a commemorative pin;
b) Asked to share any booze you may have in your car;
c) in really, really big trouble.
Not too hard for a future law student, no?
- Tonight I will be Drinking Liberally. My old job prevented me from going to partisan events as a participant, so I can't wait to spend a good-old evening of Bush-bashing in an organized setting instead of just doing so in a bar with friends and beer but no website.
- Buffalo Joe's, 812 Clark Street, Evanston, has fantastic burgers, perhaps on the level of Five Guys. But they serve RC Cola. What's that all about?
- I grazed the border with Skokie for the first time yesterday. Still Nazi-free, as far as I can tell.
Posted by rj3 at 11:37 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 9, 2005
Learning every day
I now know:
- The comments and individual post pages are screwed up. I've put an order into the Smorgasblog helpdesk. As soon as the helpdesk returns from whatever adventure he's on, he will get right on it.
- For some reason (probably kickbacks), the Illinois DMV accepts cash, check, money order and Discover, but not Visa or Mastercard.
- For some reason, the Illinois DMV will not even give you the time of day if you don't bring a Social Security card. Got a passport, driver's license and apartment lease? Tough cookies.
- We have reached a new low in slow news days.
Posted by rj3 at 10:48 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
August 8, 2005
It's Monday at 10am, do you know where the homeless are?
They're at the beautiful main branch of the Chicago Public Library looking at porn. Several of them.
Today's task: Get my driver's license.
Posted by rj3 at 10:08 AM | Comments (377) | TrackBack
August 5, 2005
Pity Post
Tomorrow is Saturday, and my parents are finally leaving after their unusually long stay. Yes, it was nice to have them around and yes, I'm glad they got over their Manhattan-centric attitudes enough to enjoy the new city, but I really, really, really need a night out.
The problem is that I don't know anybody here, save two fortysomething friends of my parents who have toddlers.
Sure, some Washingtinos have promised to introduce me to their college pals in the area, but I was hoping to wait until they visit me here so it won't be as awkward as it would be looking for someone I've never met in a crowded bar and spending a nervous hour talking about the person we have in common.
So, what to do? I could go to White Castle, which is somewhere on the south side, an homage to a recent potluck dinner, but that's sort of lame without a diverse sidekick and/or Doogie Howser.
I could find a bar, belly up and hope to either get smashed early on, making some buddies in the process, but I'm not the sort of person who meets people at bars.
I could spend the evening reading, gazing wistfully out the window, thinking of everything I've left behind and wondering how long it will take to get up to speed socially.
Eeh, that's more lame than the solo run to White Castle.
Posted by rj3 at 10:58 PM | Comments (221) | TrackBack
Irony will smack you in the face sometimes
A little more than a month ago, in a previous life, I placed myself among the thousands of Washingtonians who went out of their way to buy a Nationals hat with the spring training "DC" design instead of the big loopy "W" they use during the regular season. The idea of wearing a W on my head was just too much given the times in which we live.
Now, as I gaze out my window at the deep blue waters of Lake Michigan, what do I see?
Oh well. There's not that much you can do to screw up this view.
Posted by rj3 at 9:45 AM | Comments (372) | TrackBack
The things I don't know, you could fill a book
Some notes from wide-eyed newcomer mode:
1. People will say "bless you" if you sneeze in the street. If you sneeze in the street in D.C., people will either ignore you or shout "Avian Flu! Unclean! Unclean!"
2. Spiders, Spiders Everywhere. On my first day here, I opened a window to get some of the new carpet stench out of my apartment. Five minutes later, I was swatting nascent webs and tracking the critters across my ceiling. I thought it might be specific to my building, but I've found webs on nearly everything in my neighborhood.
Oh well, it beats rats and roaches.
3. This is a city of smells. My entry to Chicago involved racing up I-90 with the windows down and M.I.A. blasting on the stereo in a final frenzied end to the 1,050 journey from D.C. via New York. As I turned off at the Ohio Street exit, an overwhelming odor made me want to pull over. What was it? Chocolate. As strong as a bottle of Tilex spilled in a small windowless bathroom, chocolate permeated every olefactory cell I had for a few moments before the smell of meat coming from the Weber Grill restaurant took over. As opposed to antisceptic Washington, so many areas of Chicago reek in good and bad ways, from horse poop to freshly-baked bread.
Later on Thrown for a Loop: Municipal Scandals, D.C. vs. Chicago.
Posted by rj3 at 8:55 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
August 4, 2005
Mysteries of the Midwest, Part I
I have a degree from a highly-regarded university. I score well on standardized tests. I have never lost a game of Trivial Pursuit.
Why am I always confused and shocked to find that the TV shows are on an hour earlier here? Doing laundry yesterday, I timed my dryer cycle to end right before the Daily Show, only to plop down in front of the set at 10:15 while the machine was running to find it half over. This will take some getting used to.
Posted by rj3 at 7:54 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
August 3, 2005
Good morning Chicago!
I was thinking of starting this blog with a FAQ and a lengthy
introduction, but in the sake of brevity, I'll just offer an
explanation of how I got here.
About 24 years ago, I was born in New York City.
I went to Baltimore for a few years, then to Washington D.C.
I got into Northwestern Law and put all of my worldly posessions into boxes and bags in anticipation of my move to Chicago.
Then it all went to sh*t.
U-Haul promised a truck, then didn't, then did again, then didn't, then left about a dozen twentysomethings outside every location in the city on a Saturday morning looking for the trucks they had reserved months prior, sizing each other up for the battle that would ensue when the staff finally arrived to tell them that there were only three trucks available in the D.C./Baltimore/NoVa area.
I got bailed out by budget, pissed off about half my apartment building getting out, got slashed with a broken beer bottle by the friend who helped me move (an accident, really) and then drove 1,050 miles to Chicago via New York in an uneventful and pleasant trip.
This is the first time in a long time that I've moved to a city I know so little about - when I moved to D.C., I was a regular visitor from Baltimore. When I moved to Baltimore, I had watched every episode of Homicide.
No, I don't watch E.R., and my memories of Perfect Strangers are too vague to guide me around town.
The overwhelming shock of the new has its advantages. I'm looking at everything through the eyes of a yokel, wowed by everything the big city has to offer, from the bright lights driving up Clark Street to my apartment's impossibly high floor to the fact that you can still buy Squirt soda here, even though they call it "pop" for some undecipherable reason.
The cable guy is coming to bring me Internet soon, at which point my regular posts will begin.
Welcome to the new blog!
Posted by rj3 at 8:48 AM | Comments (12)