It's good to be a dude

N.M. solved a problem I will never have:

. Did I mention that we finally decided on bridesmaids dresses? And that I won the petticoat fight? I was strongly pro-petticoats, because if I'm going to be wearing a violet iridescent taffeta gown, we might as well go all the way.

Cella also has some "lady issues" that me and my nice, non-constricting pants will never have to deal with:

I walk over there with my legs squeezed together as tightly as possible and whisper that I really need to go to the bathroom Right. Now. So she turns to face the group and announces “We’ll be taking a 2 minute bathroom break. …For Cella.” Aha. Aha ha ha.

I get to the bathroom and that is when I realize

There is a giant gaping hole in the crotch of my leggings. Not in the back. Not by the waistband. But riiiiiiiiight there in the middle. All night, while I thought it had been “Kick and Stretch and Bend and Reach!” it was “Kick and Stretch and Bend aaaand… There’s My Vagina.”

I'm not gloating... just noting.