"Pretty Girls" Make Graves*

So Denny is dead, and Izzie** isn't coming back. I would have guessed that Alex was on the chopping block due to the fact that he's dumb and lacks patient skills. My incorrect assumption was that Seattle Grace cares about having good surgeons.

Seattle Grace doesn't exist. The people who created it for TV have other priorities, namely, making a watchable TV show. Alex, as the resident uncouth straight-talker, helps move things along. For example, take last week's episode, when Alex was off in OBGYNistan, the plot devolved into a morass of monologues. One after the other, everyody had their tearful moment, including every single (living) car crash victim. Oh, the pain of raising a half-southern baby all alone! Oh, the pain of killing somebody in a car crash because you just had to participate in a 12-hour surgery! Oh, the pain of being a vet! OK, so I missed that last monologue because I was in the kitchen getting more booze, but I'm sure it was very tearful.***

So anyway, that point is that Alex, in his bluntness, moves things along. To lose him would bring the monologue-to-everything-else ratio from about 1:2 to 1:1 or worse. For example:

Without Alex:

Doc: The tests are back and I'm afraid your condition is inoperable.
Patient: Everything changes so fast... when I was in grade school... all the pretty flowers... the people you love... this mortal coil... a better place...

It's at this point that I usually grab another bottle of some sort. If the show had any more monologues, I'd drink myself to death.

With Alex:

Alex: Hey sweetcheeks, you're gonna die. You've got about a week.
Patient: (stunned silence).

Then we get to move on to a sex scene or some physical comedy (or both at the same time). Monologues have their place, but without blunt, unloveable Alex, they take over the rest of the show like emotional kudzu.

Also, lest we forget, Katherine Heigl, the actress who plays Izzie, has big plans to torpedo her career by making a slew of really bad movies. Her filmography since Grey's:

- Side Effects. It's in such limited release that it's New York screening is in a pizza parlor (the "Pioneer Theatre" is in the back of a Two Boots in Alphabet City);
- Zzyzx Rd., which may or may not have gone straight to video;
- The Ringer, which has the unenviable distinction of being the worst in a line of very, very bad Johnny Knoxville vehicles;
- Caffiene, as yet unreleased but described thusly: "A fanciful battle of the sexes ensues when the relationships of the staff and patrons of a quirky London café are unexpectedly turned upside down by sudden revelations of terribly embarrassing secrets having to do with their sexual misadventures." How badly does the world need to hear Katherine Heigl fake a British accent? About as badly as the world needs her see her cuddle up with a guy in really bad corpse makeup, apparently;
- NFL Dad, which is in preproduction. IMDB says "this movie is about a temperamental head coach who ends up adopting a kid. By becoming a father, he learns to be a better man and a better coach and he takes his team to the Super Bowl." Mockery is not necessary.

* Update: How ironic - it appears that Pretty Girls Make Graves just played at the Black Cat.
**Apparently, it's spelled Izzie. I'm too lazy to go back to yesterday's post to fix it.
*** No, I am not a completely heartless bastard. The monologues are well-written and emotional. I just need the occasional break.