If the name weren't taken, you could call me The Friendster

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At dinner in New York last weekend with some friends I don't see very often but who read this blog, I was informed that my blog is now painfully boring. I'm well aware that I need to make it more interesting, but with my legal career about to begin and the amazing ability of people I haven't shared this blog with to find it and link it to me, I've been a bit too cautious to write anything particularly juicy or otherwise fun to read.

That's going to change.

Within limits.

In the email this morning, from a woman I've been on a few dates with:


I'm don't think I can really hang out at all this week. I just really need some 'me time' right now to deal with everything going on and not burn out before our big [work-related] event next week. I hope that you understand and I hope that we can still be friends.

An email from another date not long ago:


Well, I'm not really sure there is any good way for me to put this. I guess I should just put it simply. I did have a nice time with you on Thursday, and I think we have some things in common that could make for a good friendship, but I just didn't feel chemistry.

From an email from someone with whom I had one date:


You are awesome, but I want to be your friend.

What the hell is the problem? It was painfully obvious for all manner of reasons that I was on romantic dates with all three, yet I ended up getting "friended' every single time. Am I insufficiently aggressive toward the end of the date? Do I have a particular manner of speech that says "friend and nothing more"? Are the sort of women I like just in it for the free dinner or drinks? Of course, I know that the friend line is a good way to let a guy down, but why is the language so strikingly similar betwen three women who (I'm fairly sure) don't know each other? Will I ever stop whining?

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13 Comments

yes, please stop whining. i find it impressive that you manage to date at all while at school. perhaps skip dinner next time and just get them drunk... at least that way you won't get a friend rejection email, they'll just ignore you. :-)

Oh, that's cold. If I didn't want a real date to, you know, date, I wouldn't be in this mess to begin with!

Also, the bulk of this dating started during the summer.

Date nude.

Okay, the first serious answer:

It isn't about YOU - it's about YOU AND HER(s)

What are you looking for/tapping into when you ask people OUT on a date? Physical appearance? Sense of Humor? Spark of connection during a conversation?

That is what I think you need to fix. Whatever your filtering process is.

If it helps your ego, you were an oddly compelling hook-up, no matter what alarm bells were going off in my head about fooling around with your friends.

(now dating a German mechanical engineer 7 years my senior, whose family got the boot from what was eastern Prussia in 1945, no less.)

Oddly compelling? That's a new one.

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