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July 31, 2007
Dealbreakers, Pt. II
Check please!
A while ago, I liked a girl who had great taste in music. It didn't go anywhere, much to my chagrin - I would have like to date someone I could take to shows. One day she stopped responding to emails and phone calls, so I got the hint and dropped it.
Today, I found something out that makes me feel a little better at that particular lost opportunity. Through unnamed sources using clandestine information gathering methods (OK, a friend saw her iTunes) it has come to my attention that she has TWO DANE COOK ALBUMS!
If spastic arm motions and grunts are your idea of humor, go back to the cave you came from.
Posted by rj3 at 12:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 30, 2007
I guess I won't be talking about my "soulmate" in front of a white background
Pimp of da nation, Dr. Neil Clark Warren
As I've mentioned before, one of the few benefits of living in a tiny apartment is that I can hear the TV loud and clear from the shower. This morning, I heard one of those relentless ads for eHarmony - they now offered to show you matches without having to pay for the service. Hoping to spice up DateBreak, I took the survey. It took half an hour, asked an awful lot of religious questions (eHarmony is known as the Christian online dating service) and bored me half to death. The "reports" it generated, however, are priceless:
You are important. So are other people, especially if they are in trouble. You have a tender heart, but you know how to establish and keep personal boundaries. You are empathetic and compassionate, but you also believe that it's best if people solve their own problems and learn to take care of themselves, if they are able.
If I've ever read a paragraph of text that does more equivocating, I can't remember it. You're selfish and selfless. You care about others, but also yourself. You are not a sociopath, nor are you Mother Theresa. Do I get a medal?
Next are the matches. I don't like that you have to pay to see photos of your matches because I'm either what they call a "visual learner" or "superficial." But for the purposes of blogging, I read all of my matches. The first one, a math teacher from Jersey, listed five things she can't live without:
- family
- friends
- ipod
- coffee
- carbs
Wow, it's a generic American female, circa right now. Next thing you'll write is how you like someone who is capable of operating in more than one mode, like the waffling JDaters. Oh, wait:
I'd like to meet someone who is hard-working and dependable, but also able to relax and laugh with me.
Next up is someone who appears to be a lawyer. One thing she can't live without is "My cell phone (and I lose it about every 3 months)." Wow, I bet you'd be great with kids... assuming they came with homing beacons.
Another match lists "The Sun." I really hope it's our closest, most non-capitalized star, and not The Sun, a widely-unread neocon rag (see the last paragraph of this post). Given the religious bent of the site, I wouldn't be surprised to find someone who likes a paper with a retrograde editorial stance but none of the decidedly un-chaste celebrity T&A of the Post.
UPDATE BEFORE I EVEN HIT "PUBLISH": One of my matches "closed" our nascent match in the 10 minutes since I finished the survey, for the reason "other." Even for me, that's a rejection land speed record. eHarmony really, really, really isn't for me.
Posted by rj3 at 3:17 PM | Comments (488) | TrackBack
Noise-cancelling headphones: so worth it
Buy these
Years of studenthood have made me a little cheap when it comes to electronics. I only have an iPod thanks to a generous birthday gift, I have only once purchased a cell phone that wasn't free with the plan and my TV comes from a pawn shop in Baltimore (where it was probably sold for drug money). Now that I'm an almost-lawyer, all that has changed and my gadget lust can be fullfilled. Last week I purchased a new pair of Audio-Technica ATH-ANC7 QuietPoint Active Noise-Cancelling Headphones for about $120, which is more than I paid for any piece of home electronics I own except for my iDJ, which was also totally worth it.
The way the ATH-ANC7s work is by generating sound frequencies that counterbalance repetitive low-frequency sounds, like engines and air conditioners. They run on one AAA battery (which is right in the earpiece) and have demonstrated themselves capable of making a rumbling subway train sound like the Disneyworld monorail. Even sitting in the back seat of the bus, near the engine, is no longer the noisy torture it used to be. As an added benefit, music sounds great and doesn't have to be blasted to overcome the din of the outside world.
Only one problem: They tend to isolate outside conversations instead of drowning them out, so they're not great for use in the office if your office noise problem is human-generated.
Posted by rj3 at 1:25 PM | Comments (388) | TrackBack
July 26, 2007
Victory over minimal expectations!
Three weeks ago, I started DateBreak '07, a groundbreaking multimedia project in which I don't go on any first dates until 2008, on the grounds that my dating life was too tragi-comic for one person to bear. "AMG," the first commenter on the post, wrote this:
I give you three weeks.
"PL" followed up:
Ditto if not less.
I know both of these commenters. They know me. Well, three weeks have passed, and guess what - no dates! No embarassing stories about dates gone horribly wrong. None of the inevitable disappointment of going into any meeting with a stranger (or near-stranger) with outsized hopes.
For my success in non-dating, I'd like to thank my lovely firm for scheduling a series of very nice events several times a week, my friends, for occupying time I would have otherwise spent buying drinks for disinterested friends of friends, and a general sense of late-summer malaise.
The Verdict: Mixed. On one hand, I haven't really learned that much that I didn't know. On the other hand, it has helped shore up my blogging - not dating is much more fertile ground for writing than dating, since I worry that my dates will read the blog. Now, I can let it all hang out.
DateBreak so far:
Introducing DateBreak '07!
Statement of Facts
Online Dating: The odds are good, but the goods are odd
Dealbreakers
Worst dating advice from the last 10 days
The Outlaw of Averages
What (desperate, pathetic) Women Want
Facebook Torture
Posted by rj3 at 10:55 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
July 25, 2007
Big law as big score
David Lat of Above the Law has a scare piece on New York Biglaw that makes big claims ("Are the country’s top law firms going the way of the dinosaur?") but ends up with a whole lot of thin gruel. Despite record profits, salary increases for associates and Cristal for all, Lat sees clouds on the horizon. Mayer, Brown and Jenner & Block are de-equitizing partners. Clients are considering farming out more routine matters to cheaper firms. Millionaires are jealous of billionaires.
But what of the associates who actually read his site?
This is the important stuff (to me, at least):
But aside from paying off their student loans, what do young lawyers aspire to? Nobody seems to know anymore. “The Gen Y people don’t really have the same desires and goals as previous generations,” said a managing partner at one prominent firm. “I think they don’t get the same fulfillment out of this.”[...]
A partner at a rival firm is more sanguine: “What firms can and should offer people is the ability to take part in the craft, teach them how to be great lawyers, make them understand that life is about much more than money. You can contribute to society as a lawyer in ways that other people aren’t trained or licensed to do.”
“Law is an attractive, challenging profession,” said Mr. Zeughauser. “Some people enjoy the challenge, and there’s also a service aspect that some people enjoy. There are people who like being in the service profession, and the law is probably the highest-earning service profession.” (It sure beats the green aprons off Starbucks.)
Working in a "service profession" is the big attraction to the law? It's not as if it's either this or a job on a GM assembly line - it's all service or nothing for most people who are considering a career in the law. The real question faced by the "young lawyers" and law students Lat envisions is whether to work for a big firm, a small firm, a nonprofit or to hang one's own shingle. Despite his worries, firms will not have any problem getting fresh blood any time soon.
Many schools offer loan forgiveness for graduates who do public interest, but law school loans aren't the half of it. Undergrad loans, sky-high rent in many major cities hit grads as soon as they graduate. Starting a family comes with a whole other set of very large costs. Rent control, the home interest mortgage deduction, NIMBYism and underinvestment in urban infrastructure created a situation in which it would have been more or less impossible for me to take an entry-level journalism job in New York City after graduation. In D.C., I was able to rent a small apartment in a nice building in a good neighborhood, but I did it working a second job (SAT tutoring in the suburbs after work two or three times a week and at least one weekend day) and running up a bit of a credit card bill. Any additional expense, such as losing employer-provided health care coverage or getting in a car accident, would have thrown my financial situation into total chaos. Of course, I could just ask my parents for help if things got really dire, but not everyone else can. It's no mystery why biglaw isn't just "attractive," it's a necessity for anyone who isn't fortunate enough to get significant parental help.
Daniel Brook makes this argument in The Trap: Selling Out to Stay Afloat in Winner-Take-All America. He says that activism and creative jobs are no longer options for many recent college grads, who instead have to take soul-crushing corporate jobs just to pay the bills. It may be too much to ask for community organizers to have enough money to down $15 martinis alongside Cravath associates, but you don't have to be a pinko to believe that if someone with a college education is willing to work and someone else is willing to hire them, that they should have enough money to live without roomates five years after graduation, should they so choose.
That's why biglaw has so much appeal. A law school graduate could make contributions to the fields of journalism or government, but can't take the financial hit. They could even start a small business (law-related or otherwise), but the debt load is too much. Work for five years, put down some debt, scrap together a down payment, then do what you want. I can't tell you how many law students I know are working for large firms until some financial goal is met, after which they can (happily) kiss it goodbye.
It's like the archtypal movie career criminal who just needs "one big score" before going straight and moving down to a quiet beach town in Baja.
Posted by rj3 at 11:18 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
D.C. Heatwave
Two big items to file in the "attrative Washingtonians" file:
1) Friend of TFAL Catherine Andrews is a nominee in Media Bistro's hottest off-camera personality contest. Obvs, she's winning by a landslide, but toss a few dozen votes her way just in case.
2) The Hill published its annual list of the 50 hottest Hill dwellers. Right on cue, DCeiver savages them. Best line (Re: the superiority of Rep. Heath Schuler to a former Virginia senator with regards to quarterbacking ability): "I could build a person out of a wheelbarrow full of week-old hobo stool that'd be superior to George Allen in just about every conceivable field of endeavor."
Posted by rj3 at 9:51 AM | Comments (379) | TrackBack
July 24, 2007
Mind the gap
Remember Sex and the City? Remember how all the 30-something women would endlessly complain about how there were no good single straight men in New York?
It turns out that they were right. Idle and bored on Sunday night, I took a trick from my undergrad thesis and constructed a search in the Census Bureau's American FactFinder. In New York County (that's Manhattan) in 2000 there were 115,761 men between the ages of 21 and 29 and 132,183 women. That's nearly 107 20-something women for every 100 20-something men.
So what's the problem?
Posted by rj3 at 2:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 23, 2007
Nothing Compares 2 1
Gothamist reports the The Straphanger's Campaign recently rated the 1 train to be the best line in the city, based on surveys of clenliness, regularity of service, announcement quality, ability to get a seat and amount of scheduled service.
I have more than a passing knowledge of the 1, having used it whenever I missed my school bus. I've also used it a fair amount this summer, mostly for social events. I'll give Gene Russianoff and crew the ability to get a seat and announcement quality, but I beg to differ on two fronts. First of all, the 1 is not that clean. Now that the 2 train has been upgraded from old Redbirds to new R142s, the 1s are dark and dingy by comparison, covered in gum and scratchitti.
As for service, this may reflect my bias as a weekend rider, but the 1 is almost downright unbearable sometimes. Whether it's the slow crawl down the UWS when express trains run on the local track, unexplained and unannounced express runs through midtown, or the counterintuitive "terminal" layout at 14th Street, the 1 is a nightmare on Saturdays and Sundays. At the very least, that deserves a little consideration.
Posted by rj3 at 1:46 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
July 22, 2007
Facebook Torture
I have a Facebook application called "Honesty Box." It allows visitors to my page to leave anonymous messages for me that only I can see. It seemed like a good idea when I installed it, but I didn't get any messages for a month, until someone dropped this bomb on me:
"i think you and i are almost perfect for each other."
Perhaps some people would take this as a good thing, but a little reflection shows this to be a curse in disguise. There are three possible explanations for the above message: 1) Whomever left this message likes me and I like them but I can't act on it because I don't know who it is; 2) Whomever left this message likes me and don't feel the same way about them; 3) Someone is messing with me. Counterintuitively, #1 is the worst, since there's an unrealized potential out there that I'll never be able to realize. Frankly, I hope it's #3.
Posted by rj3 at 6:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 20, 2007
The Arcade Fire
Wandering around Chinatown after work today, I came across a familiar intersection: Pell and the Bowery. I thought it had long been replaced by another bubble tea joint, but there it is... an arcade. In this day and age, home video game systems are better than what arcades offer, but on this July evening, the place was packed.
Unfortunately, while Cruisin' USA was still there, my favorite part of the place was missing: the tic-tac-to playing chicken. In the back of this scuzzy establishment was an even scuzzier little plexiglass box, where a live chicken sat in front of a tic-tac-toe board. For a nominal fee, one could play against the chicken, who could always bring the game at least to a tie. A quick google search gives confirmation that such a thing existed, but that nobody knows what happened to it.
Posted by rj3 at 7:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 19, 2007
Dun-Dun!
Oh good God.
UCLA lawprof Eugene Volokh thinks that if former Sen. Fred Thompson runs for President, all Law and Order episodes in which he appears will have to be yanked from TV, at least on broadcast stations. I know people (and they know who they are), who will switch their party registration just to vote agains the guy if it means that L&O may have to be curtailed to perhaps 10 episodes a day.
Losing a few epidodes of the most ubiquitous TV show in the country isn't the only reason to vote against Fred Thompson. He's a poseur redneck and a Nixon flunkie with a paper-thin record in the Senate. But we'll save that argument for another day.
Posted by rj3 at 3:29 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Today in straphanger ingenuity
York Avenue looked messier than usual, so I decided to take the subway, despite the gaping hole in Lexington Avenue at 41st Street. It was so crowded that one of the riders who couldn't make it on the train pushed my thigh in so the doors could close and he could get on the next train.
Thanks, dude.
Posted by rj3 at 10:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 18, 2007
What (desperate, pathetic) Women Want
When Freud asked his immortal question, "What do women want?" he had limited research opportunities. Back then, you could ask a woman what she wanted, but the answer would likely be either hopelessly idealized or self-consciously designed to fit within the acceptable bounds of what a woman "should" want. Nowadays, the curtain has been removed and we can actually see what traits the ladies are lusting after these days.
Thanks, Craigslist Missed Connections!
Here, we have a 19th Century Fox:
we met at happy ending july 3. you were with your guy friends, i was with my female friends. i told you you were cute and looked like the lead singer of a english band i love.i left with my friends to go to another bar and lo and behold, you appear out of nowhere. we chatted a bit but then you had to leave but not before telling me that you go to a certain bar/restaurant i won't mention every thursday and friday night.
i was at said bar/restaurant on friday and didn't see you. bummer.
Women love the shell-shocked Robert Smith type? The gawky Jarvis Cocker type? The pale-creep-with-a-wandering-eye Thom Yorke type? In any case, this guy is about as useful to her as Elton John because neither she nor Mr. Top Of The Pops got digits. Hanging out at a bar restaurant with the hopes of finding someone? That's a little outdated, don't you think? Still, it gives me an idea in case I find myself talking to someone I want to get rid of without seeming too mean. In fact, it sounds a little romantic, until the inevitable endgame. "No, you can't have my number, but I go to the Oyster Bar in Grand Central every Friday after work." See you on Missed Connections...
Speaking of oysters and other marine life...
You are quirky and wonderful and the way your mind works amazes me. You have an adorable smile, feisty and mischievous but also kind and loving, teasing and mocking but in that oh so enticing way. I didn't know humans were fish for longer than we originally thought, and I didn't know I cared.
This sounds like a good tip for guys who are look smart but are in to dumb girls. Flash them a smile, adjust your Ira Glass glasses (he really should merchandise) and spit out the first piece of unprovable scientific-sounding bullplop that comes to mind.
"Did you know that scientists have proven that owls get crushes on one another?"
"Did you know that in outer space, all fresh fruit tastes like cod? That's why they freeze-dry astronaut ice cream, so the strawberry flavor doesn't taste like cod. Sure, they could avoid bringing the strawberry up, but then they couldn't have neopolitan."
...and so on. It's a pity that I don't like dumb girls. But speaking of nerds, I see a trend:
Monday night 7.16.07 Location: Uptown 1 Train
You: Tall, handsome, maroon shirt,
sleeves haphazardly folded up--
Obviously too cool for school.
Cloth or suede and leather shoes.
Reading material: Building Codes with a
predominantly bright yellow cover and large black type.
Stood by the door at first then you moved slightly in front
of me, so you were on my left and I was on your left.
Dig the shaggy hair-do.
Building Codes? That makes for some interesting dirty talk. "Baby, I want to test the tensile resistance of your cantilevered eaves. Right here, in the supply closet." Grrr.
The point: From now on, whenever I'm in public, I'll have my nose buried in a copy of Farnsworth on Contracts.
Posted by rj3 at 3:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Quote of the Day
"We hoped for the best, but it turned out like always."
- Former Russian P.M. Viktor Chernomyrdin
Posted by rj3 at 10:29 AM | Comments (360) | TrackBack
July 16, 2007
The Outlaw of Averages
Kieran Healey summarizes Michael Rosenfeld’s The Age of Independence: Interracial Unions, Same-Sex Unions, and the Changing American Family:
Since around 1960, increasing numbers of young people have left home but without themselves starting families soon afterwards. Instead they go off to college by themselves, and then perhaps move to work in a city, surrounded by people much their own age and, like themselves, unmarried. This is the Age of Independence. It can last ten or fifteen years. Much as the teenager emerged as a social category and life-stage in the early post-war period, the Age of Independence becomes established as a phase in people’s lives.
This is borne out by statistics. Matthew Yglesias notes that after an unnatural dip in the 1950s, the age of first marriage is rising and the average male is about 27 when he first gets hitched. That means that half of my age cohort is married by the time I will start as a full-time associate. Take out the fundies who marry at 18 because they couldn't "save it" any more and the occasional shotgun marriage (those still happen, right?), and the number rises a bit, but I'm still in prima marriage age, albiet devoid of prospects.
This would be the point where I should start freaking out. After all, I remember those growth charts at the doctor's office and my percentile ranks on the ERBs. I have been raised, almost from day one, to keep up with my age cohort.
I can be a bit paranoid and defensive, but not that paranoid. Marriage for the sake of marriage is just dumb. I should probably tell that to Mr. Now or Never. Sitting alone in front of the TV, eating Chinese food from the delivery container on a Sunday night is depressing, but it's a lot less depressing than signing an alimony check every month.
Posted by rj3 at 5:48 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
The office top 10
Thank goodness we have iTunes here at the Office Which Shall Not Be Named. It makes the day go by a lot faster and helps make a shared office just that more tolerable (even if it isn't too bad to begin with). Here are my top 10 most-played songs on my office computer.
1) Spoon, "No You're Not"
2) Art Brut, "Direct Hit"
3) Arcade Fire, "Rebellion (Lies)"
4) Belle and Sebastian, "Lazy Line Painter Jane"
5) Fountains of Wayne, "Traffic and Weather"
6) Black Grass, "Burnin' Love" (Elvis Presley cover)
7) LCD Soundsystem, "Jump Into the Fire" (Harry Nillson cover)
8) CSS, "This Month, Day 10"
9) Morrisey, "Last of the Famous International Playboys"
10) Tapes n' Tapes, "Manitoba"
What I learned from this: 1) I don't listen to that much punk at the office. Too much cognative dissonance may cause my head to explode; 2) I really need some new music.
What is your office Top 10?
Posted by rj3 at 9:49 AM | Comments (329) | TrackBack
July 15, 2007
Worst dating advice from the last 10 days
1. "Don't worry! In a decade, you won't be working crazy hours anymore and all the women getting married now will be getting divorced."
2. "The problem is that you're dating dumb b*tches." (From someone who has never met anyone I've dated).
Posted by rj3 at 4:04 PM | Comments (368) | TrackBack
July 14, 2007
Celebrity Skinned
Quiz:
1) While eating alone in Chelsea Market, which celebrity was I mistaken for this afternoon?
2) How did it make me feel?
The answer will be posted on Monday.
UPDATE: The winner and only guesser, is K. I was mistaken for Jimmy Kimmel. It made me feel a little dirty, not to mention short.
Posted by rj3 at 4:01 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
July 13, 2007
Apartment Envy
New Yorkers tend to assign outsize importance to things that people in the rest of the country take for granted. After all, what other American city would inspire an entire novel about parking? We regail one another with tales of Solomonic choices between the 6 and B at Bleeker Street to get to 50th and 5th (there is no right answer) and argue over who has the smelliest super.
All those things aside, we have one overriding obsession: real estate. From the $20 million mansions between 5th and Madison, to the rent controlled Upper West Side Classic Six, to the squalid sixth-floor walk-up, the sheer variety of rents and living situations available make it a source of endless conversation. Add to that the sneaky agents, astronomical fees, Craigslist bidding wars and nutty neighbors... well, it's nearly impossible to tak about anything else sometimes.
This topic is especially sore this morning because I went to a cocktail party at the Upper East Side apartment of a friend of a friend who works in the nonprofit sector. She has no stock options and no bonus, but she has a flat-screen TV bigger than my refrigerator turned sideways, a piano and furniture that looked like it all came from DWR ("within reach," my ass!). How did that happen? Oh wait, I know just how, and it rhymes with "must bund."
My apartment is a different story entirely. If I hated a person as much as I hated this apartment, I would seek professional help. It's a sublet filled with someone else's uncomfortable furniture. There is no desk, so I type on a TV tray pulled up to a loveseat that is sloped by years of use in just such a manner as to create maximum back pain in minimum sitting time. The box on which the TV sits is decorated with the same contact paper I protected my science textbook with in 5th Grade. The shower head is aligned perpendicular to the tub and whines for the first five minutes it's on. The one benefit of the tiny bathroom is that you can hear the TV loud and clear from the shower, so the whining is usually mitigated by the soothing dulcet tones of Pat Kiernan mocking the Post or Dr. Sanjay Gupta telling me that I'm fat. Up until last night, my AC ran for about four minutes before tripping the circuit breaker. Entertaining guests? Forget about it. There is hardly any seating and no air circulation. It's at least another grand in rent down the tubes before I have a party.
For all of this - this "steal" in the middle of the UES Soylent farm - I pay more than twice what I pay in Chicago for a lake view, a doorman, a cedar closet and a dozen other amenities I wouldn't even dream of looking for until at least my third year as an associate.
When I move back for good, I will probably shell out a little more for a place that suits my status as a BigLaw lawyer. Still, it drives me batty. Batty enough to talk about it nonstop, just like everyone else.
Posted by rj3 at 10:25 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 12, 2007
Dealbreakers
For someone who is quick to get bored by dates, I don't think of myself as someone who has many "dealbreakers," or non-negotiable qualifications. Some men won't date a woman who is too short or too tall, of a different religion or political party, or someone who spends too much time reading gossip rags. I like to consider myself an open-minded person who is willing to see the advantages that differences in perspective can provide.
(However, I do not consider myself the kind of person who writes a sentence along the lines of, "I like to consider myself an open-minded person who is willing to see the advantages that differences in perspective can provide." That scared me a little.)
But am I really that open? Last weekend, I regaled the designer of the DateBreak '07 logo with my tales of dating woe. After listening patiently, she asked me if I was perhaps a little too picky in the date department. After all, she said, wasn't I the guy who dumped a girl after she wanted to rent a really bad movie?
Yes and no.
Let's go back to June of 2003. Right after college graduation, I had another month on my lease in Baltimore. I was doing a little temp work in DC while I looked for a more permanent job. Many of my friends had already left for post-grad vacations, out-of-town jobs (there were no other kind) or graduate school. A few folks stayed back for various reasons, including "V" (not her real first initial). I worked with V on an extracurricular, so I knew her fairly well, although we never socialized independently. A month prior, she broke up with her boyfriend, a Russian who bossed her around and drove the campus shuttle, a job that left her alone on most date nights. All of her friends wondered why it took so long for her to ditch the guy.
After graduation, we spent more time together, mostly because she wasn't very familiar with Baltimore, despite having lived there for three years (she was a year below me in school). I drove her to get her car back from the impoundment lot. I showed her where to get a key copied. We didn't really click romantically until we watched a movie together. I think it was Annie Hall.
After a few dates, I realized that there was something different about V. She was too smart and well-read to qualify as naïve, but she lacked a certain sense of context and maturity. It was if the 19th century romantic novels she loved so much served as more of a guide to the world at large than the daily newspaper. I was constantly surprised by the places, people and things V had never heard of, from prominent politicians to the previous year’s pop hits. Since I’m unusually versed in trivia, I decided to let it slide and enjoy the fact that she was attractive, available and seemed to like me.
Then one day V and I went to the video store. This video store was one of the best things about the neighborhood abutting school, since it had all manner of independent, foreign and just plain strange films. A film snob would not consider me one of their kind, but I am the sort of person who enjoyed that this place organized films by genre and director instead of by title.
Since I was looking for a date movie to go with popcorn and cuddling, I decided to stay away from John Waters’ early work, displayed prominently, as Mr. Waters himself was rumored to frequent this particular store. Since this story is now over four years old, I forgot what I selected, but I’m fairly sure it was light and funny. She looked at the movies, then up at me, then frowned.
“OK, what did you get?”
She had Nutty Professor II: The Klumps.
In my mind, there was a chasm between what we each wanted to watch. She had revealed herself to be fundamentally incompatible. It was one thing to watch NP2 on a plane or on TV. It was another to go to a store filled with a century’s worth of cinematic masterpieces, browse the shelves, choose a sequel to a bad Eddie Murphy vehicle, endure the clerk’s derision, pay for it, bring it home, watch it and return it the next day. Could there ever be a future with someone who wanted to rent Nutty Professor II: The Klumps?
Claiming we broke up over the movie is a bit of a misstatement. We settled on something to watch, watched it, and continued going out for a few days, but the steam had clearly run out. To my friends, I mercilessly mocked her. When we broke up, I used the video store story as an excuse.
In retrospect, it wasn’t so bad. I don’t think I could have molded her tastes and I don’t think she wanted her tastes molded. She graduated, got a job and two cats. I’m allergic to cats. She’s in grad school now for English Literature. A year after we stopped seeing one another, I ran into her once in D.C. and we exchanged pleasantries. Every now and then, I check her away message on AIM. It’s usually about cats or literature. I think I did the right thing, even if it was because she chose the wrong movie at the video store.
Posted by rj3 at 9:20 AM | Comments (386) | TrackBack
July 11, 2007
Worst. Celebrity. Sighting. (turned Best. Celebrity. Sighting.)
At a fancy restaurant today at lunch, I thought I had a clunker of a celebrity sighting - one so bad that I didn't even bother my lunch-mates with it. Picking "the hispanic guy from Halfway Home" out of a crowded dining room requires you to admit that you watch the show and can identify its actors in person. I'm not a huge fan, but it's usually on between South Park at The Daily Show, so I can't help but catch it now and then. As a result, I have no confirmation that I did, in fact, see who I thought I did.
I was about to write up the experience when I popped over to IMDb to find the name of the actor. It turns out to be Oscar Nuñez, who also plays (duh), Oscar on The Office, a far, far, faaaaaaar better show.
This guy also did a really bad TV show.
Posted by rj3 at 3:30 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
Online Dating: The odds are good, but the goods are odd
I have been told that there's an obvious choice for the lovelorn young professional: Internet dating. On many occasions, people (none of whom ever used it) assured me that fine, upstanding people use online dating services all the time, and that it wasn't creepy, shameful or even out of the ordinary.
There is a word for those people: wrong.
As a member of the Tribe, I tried JDate under the impression that being taller and having more hair (on my head) than my male co-religionists would be some sort of advantage. In terms of getting women to talk to me, it was. In the space of a month (and before they demanded another $35), I went on quite a few dates. Most were painfully boring. Two were good enough interest me in second dates, but they "just wanted to be friends." That's the world's worst cop-out as it is, but it's especially egregious when you met on a website with the word "date" embedded in the URL. One of them went as far to actually try to be "friends," inviting me to a house party with the new boyfriend. Is there anything more awkward? Well, I could have been naked.
Anyway, this post is about what I don't like in online daters. Perhaps women who come off as nice, smart individuals in real life would write this stuff online, but they did, and I'll judge them for it, if only to entertain you. Last night, I took a random surf through JDate. This is what I found:
"Always up for going out and having fun, but I also love to be lazy every now and then."
"I am always up for a great night out, but also loves to be lazy once in a while."
"I enjoy going to the gym, going out with friends to a bar/restaurant/or just relaxing with some popcorn and a good movie."
Every third online dating profile has a variation of this. You like to paint the town red, but you are also comfortable wearing your pajamas and watching a DVD. You like to hike and camp, but you are also somehow capable of chilling out at home. People who like to party but are incapable of doing anything else with their evenings are called alcoholics. Outdoorsy types who never come in from the trail are also known as hoboes. Women who include lines like this are not demonstrating well-roundedness or flexibility, just an unappealing eagerness to please and cover all the bases.
"I don't like selfish and self-deceived people."
If you're self-deceived, how will you know to avoid her? I never understood why anyone would write "I don't want [obviously bad trait] people." Who does? If online dating is a meat market, how does this help sell your particular cut? Haven't you ever heard of a valence issue? Coming out against self-delusion (or selfishness, for that matter), is like running a campaign with the slogan, "Puppies are Cute!" You may get votes, but your base won't be able to hold up their end of the debate, if you catch my drift.
"I'm a nice girl, generous, and have a lot of love within myself."
Once again, but with narcissism! Running against the "Puppies are Cute!" ticket, we have the "Kittens are Also Cute!" candidate, who describes herself with completely non-distinguishing positive characteristics. The above claim would only make sense if there was someone else on JDate who wrote, "I'm a mean girl, stingy and am filled with hate." I'm fairly sure goths have their own dating service.
"Current favorite thing to quote is The Office. "
Tony Soprano was right when he said that "remember when" is the lowest form of conversation, with one caveat: "remember when Dwight said..." is slightly lower. Of course, I'm guilty of quoting TV shows and I love The Office, but I don't hold it out to potential mates as a character trait.
"Greetings. My name is Sveta. I love dialogue with friends, parties, walks under the moon, romantic meetings, travel."
"I am a mail-order bride. 'Dialogue' is extra."
"I enjoy anything Creative and Challenging. I love The Arts, Dance, Movies,Outdoor Sports, a great Salsa song, spending time with Friends, and a ton of other things to find out later."
I Want a Man who will Fix my Shift Key.
"iM extreaMeLy sociaL aNd LoVe to Be soRROunded wiTh poSSitiVe peopLe. i LiVe mY LiFe to ThE fuLLesT aNd aLthoGH iM YouNg i FeEL LiKe i reaLLy haVe accomPlisheD mORe tHEn MAnY CaN aCcoMpLisH iN a LiFe TiMe. i BoLieVe thaT there aRe nO LimiTs iN LiFe and iTs uRs to ConQuer MoLd BeNd aNd LIVE!!!!"
I NEED a man who will fix my shift key.
"i've only had one jewish boyfriend and my mom's been on my case about this for a few years now...."
"I haven't met you yet, but I will try to make our date as perfunctory and boring as possible so I can get back to the goyishe frat boys I'm used to."
"I'm prob the biggest DMB fan you could ever meet."
Check, please!
The Point: This is simply not an option. I would prefer to get to know how vacuous and grammatically-challenged you are instead of finding out before we ever see each other in person.
Posted by rj3 at 7:56 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
July 10, 2007
Statement of Facts
I sat across from a mid-level associate at a fancy Midtown restaurant, as I have been doing on a fairly regular basis all summer. He talked about the first firm he worked for. He talked about his wife. He talked about his kids. Then he said something that floored me, even as I paid more attention to not dropping whatever morsels they had presented to us as appetizers.
"Basically, if you're not married or engaged by the time you pass the bar, you're never going to get married."
Yikes.
Two weeks before, someone had turned me down for a date by telling me I am "not that interesting." A month and a half before, a promising first date ended with said date, undoubtedly full on free (to her) tapas and sangria, rushing down the subway steps, shouting, "It's been real!" With that in mind, I wasn't ready to accept that I a little more than a year to tie the knot, less I become one of those 40-year-old guys leering at the college set at the Hange Uppe.
Of course, hope springs eternal. I was listening to a guy who got hitched before starting his legal career, so his perspective is blinkered to a certain extent. On the other hand, he had a point. Listening to young associates, I get the impression that the first years of firm life are like a social coma, in which life outside the firm is curtailed to the point of being reduced to a series of fleeting events. I've already had to cancel or otherwise miss out on a series of get-togethers with friends - no date would put up with it for long.
For the two weeks following that harrowing lunch, I fell in a bit of a panic. I have nine more months in another city halfway across the country. The dates I go on are more useful for the funny stories that result than for romantic potential. What the hell was I supposed to do between now and the bar?
DateBreak '07 is at least part of the answer. By eschewing the formal, get-to-know-you dates while still "putting myself out there" to a certain extent, I will cut my least-successful means of meeting women.
What does this mean for you, the reader? This won't be an exercise in self-pitying whining. My goal is to put together a series, interspersed with regular Thrown For a Loop content, that explores the issues facing the single 3L. I want it to be insightful, funny and maybe even a little bit useful. Stay tuned for more.
Will you keep it up? I have a logo now. I have no choice but to keep it up.
Posted by rj3 at 3:26 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
July 9, 2007
Be a good guest
When I was much younger, I liked to watch historical baseball highlights. I rented (and on occasion, owned) hours and hours of VHS of great catches, long home runs and other feats of on-the-field daring-do. I particularly liked the strange moments, where the rules and events of the outside world interfere with the rules and logic of baseball. I recall birds where they shouldn't have been, blowing a ball foul as it stubbornly stays on the line, even Disco Demolition. Perhaps that's why I like this clip of the flying tarp at a recent Phillies-Rockies game in Denver:
But it's not just that. The fans cheered at the excitement, but a person caught up under that could get knocked out and suffocated. Someone hit with thick flying plastic could break limbs. Seeing the danger, the Phillies decided to help and risked their own safety (and got soaking wet) because they had the power to help and it was the right thing to do. Only one Rockies player came out to help the people on the grounds crew who they see at every other game.
That's pretty good team spirit for a club for which their next loss will be the franchise's 10,000th.
Posted by rj3 at 7:35 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
In Soviet Russia, shot takes you!
A little worn out with the comedy of manners that is the be-fun-but-not-too-fun law firm party, I decamped for a weekend in Washington, with a jaunt to Baltimore (pictured above).
The occasion for the vodka-drinking was Russia night, a nascent tradition in which a Baltimore Russian friend (Hej Hej DJ S. Irony if you must know) invites a dozen or so of her closest friends to a huge cabaret/restaurant, where her parents drink us all under the table.
The restaurant, Europe, is an experience in and of itself, and the management seems to know it. Check out this guide for Americans on its website, exerpted below:
The Attire
Forget conservative. Spandex and glitter are your friends! For girls: the shortest skirt that you can find, the highest heels that you can manage, and a low-cut top that's a few sizes too small. For guys: no jeans, no sneakers, but a tie is not necessary either. A button down shirt will do, but try to avoid the Brooks Brothers look. You should really aim for something in the Webster Hall circa 1997 category.[...]
The Drink
Russians don't do mixed drinks. It's either vodka or wine. Girls can get away with mixing their shots with some coke or juice, but guys should just drink it straight up. Don't - under any circumstance - try to add ice to your vodka. (I really can’t stress this enough). Don't ask for scotch. Don't ask for vermouth. Don't ask for a "White Russian." The wine is really for the girls and those with heart/liver disease, and guys should be prepared to present some notarized proof of a serious medical condition if they intend to drink anything but vodka.
On the outside, it's just another low slung building near the city line, situated between a dollar store and a supermarket. Inside, alternating long and round tables, all huge, are arrayed around a dance floor with a modest raised stage to one side.
Upon arrival, the table was covered with so much food that putting down a plate after passing it around posed a significant logistical challenge. The appetizers included beet salad, chicken salad, crab salad, cold whitefish, seasoned carrots and pickles, mushrooms, blini with roe and cold cuts of some sort. Brought by the esteemed DJ's esteemed mom was meat jello, pictured below. Draw your own conclusions about how it tasted.
We were among the first groups there. As we started to tuck into the cold appetizers, other groups - families, teens, elderly friends, together and seperately, began to filter in. Someone flipped the PA on and began a toast. It didn't end for about 15 minutes. We syarted our own toasting at the rate of about one every 10 minutes. Some of the women took half-shots and the designated drivers tried to make their merriest with seltzer, but the men were expected to down a shot with each toast at the peril of light mockery.
Next came the hot appetizers. Two whole salmon, tomatos stuffed with mushrooms and cheese - all delicious. The band (by which I mean a DJ and two singers) started up and the 40-something russian women in leopard-print dresses were the first on the dance floor, followed by the 20-something guys with slick hair and shiny shirts. One difference between this night out and most others was the age range of the crowd - perhaps it's the European attitude toward alcohol or the fact that there aren't many places like this, but it seemed perfectly natural for the entire age spectrum to eat, drink and dance together. Perhaps Americans should stop thinking of Applebees as the paragon of "family style."
After a brief foray on to the dance floor, there was more food - lamb sausage and potatoes - and more toasting. Some of the bottles were getting low, but I didn't feel all that tipsy. Little hint: when you don't feel that tipsy after drinking a lot of vodka very quickly, don't take it as a sign that the storm has passed. Take it as a sign that you're in the eye.
Later, there was more meat, more dancing, more vodka (it's impolite to leave a bottle not emptied of the last drop), some roughhousing and, I am told, a flying roast chicken. If I remembered all of it, it would have been a night I will not soon forget.
Posted by rj3 at 9:28 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 6, 2007
Introducing DateBreak '07!
I think this exciting new concept in social interaction, drempt up in a cab last night at around 12:30 a.m., is best explained in an IM conversation I had earlier this morning:
GTalkBuddy: datebreak?
me: datebreak
I went on a date yesterday
GTalkBuddy: ooo
w.whom?
me: friend of a law school friend
GTalkBuddy: ooo
not good?
me: 1) she was boring, had nothing to say that I wanted to know more about
2) I chose a bar that, unbeknownst to me, was also being used for a lawyer's farewell party
GTalkBuddy: HA
me: so all these people I knew kept passing me going to the back room
GTalkBuddy: oh geeze
me: so no more dates through 2007
I will no longer spend time with someone for evaluative purposes
GTalkBuddy: um, wow
that is a long time
me: it doesn't preclude all that much
for example, if I meet someone and we do something that I genuinely want to do, I will do that
like go to a concert - it's like I'd be inviting her along
but no "drinks after work" where I get to hear what you do for a living
GTalkBuddy: got it
me: that's reasonable, right?
GTalkBuddy: well
i agree that the formal dates with strangers really suck
it would be way better to start hanging out casually with someone you want to be friends with
me: exactly
good things happen when you least expect
therefore, good things don't happen when you most expect
therefore, ipso facto, DateBreak 07
That's right. No more drama until the ball drops. DateBreak '07 - live it, love it, don't pick up the tab.
Posted by rj3 at 10:16 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
July 4, 2007
I bet you do!
At the New Pornographers concert in Battery Park.
Posted by rj3 at 9:50 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
You gotta have park!
New York City added almost 200,000 residents since 2000, which is to say that the city fit a population the size of Boise or Des Moines in its borders. Where do they all fit? Partially, the new construction is providing some room, but most of it is for the rich, who are not the most efficient users of space. For example, the hulking Sculpture for Living on Astor Place replaced Cooper Union dorms with only 39 units. Other folks double up, split up apartments and occasionally repurpose industrial buildings into lofts.
When these new New Yorkers leave home, they're finding less and less room to travel and relax. The subways are mostly at or over capacity and infrastructure improvements, while underway, are still years from providing any sort of relief.
Then, there are the parks. In many ways, they are cleaner, safer and more vibrant than they have been in decades, but without more physical space, problems arise. That's why this new pool on a barge in Brooklyn is such a great idea. The city has reclaimed an abandoned industrial pier, built a beach and attached a barge with a large pool floating in the East River. For years, the waterfront was a gem hidden in plain sight, useless to both industry and recreation. Nowadays, abandoned piers are a luxury we can no longer afford.
Posted by rj3 at 12:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 3, 2007
An elusive glimpse at your anonymous blogger
...as a Simpsons charachter.
Now go and make your own.
(via KG)
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July 2, 2007
At least this probably means that my bed isn't getting much action
While I'm glad that the practice exists so I don't have to pay two rents over the summer, subletting skeeves me out a little bit. I sublet my summer place, and all sorts of little things bother me: the uncomfortable furniture, the milquetoast art, the air conditioner that burns out the fuse five minutes after it goes on, et cetera. Hopefully, my subletters aren't as unsatisfied with the amenities as I am, but I'm sure they will stumble upon something that makes them think I'm a total wierdo. They won't tell me and I won't ask, so all I can do is wonder and hope they aren't part of an identity theft ring.
That being said, they ought to do a better job covering up their own proclivities. Under our arrangement, my roomate and I pay rent and utilities, then they pay us back each month. Today, I got the cable bill, which came out to be the usual amount. However, they seem to have discovered a trove of free pornography available on our cable system. Mixed among Do The Right Thing and episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm are the following, umm, cinematic masterpieces:
Suicide Girls Italy
Sex House, Ep. 13
Candid Sex
Passion Lane
Sex House, Ep. 14
A.C. Hookers
Thinking XXX
So when I get back to Chicago, as I'm seeing the subletters to the door, I'll say, "I hope you enjoyed your stay. It's no Sex House, but I hope it was comfortable."
Posted by rj3 at 4:26 PM | Comments (395) | TrackBack
Despite all my rage, I am still just a Summer Associate in a window office
Brooklyn Vegan has the new Smashing Pumpkins video, for "Tarantula." I like it - does that make me one those people who like crappy comeback albums and pay too much for tickets to see aging rockers? Not yet, I hope.
Posted by rj3 at 1:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack