I guess I won't be talking about my "soulmate" in front of a white background

July 30, 2007 3:17 PM | | Comments (606) | TrackBacks (0)
datebreak.gif

pic-drwarren-big.jpg
Pimp of da nation, Dr. Neil Clark Warren


As I've mentioned before, one of the few benefits of living in a tiny apartment is that I can hear the TV loud and clear from the shower. This morning, I heard one of those relentless ads for eHarmony - they now offered to show you matches without having to pay for the service. Hoping to spice up DateBreak, I took the survey. It took half an hour, asked an awful lot of religious questions (eHarmony is known as the Christian online dating service) and bored me half to death. The "reports" it generated, however, are priceless:

You are important. So are other people, especially if they are in trouble. You have a tender heart, but you know how to establish and keep personal boundaries. You are empathetic and compassionate, but you also believe that it's best if people solve their own problems and learn to take care of themselves, if they are able.

If I've ever read a paragraph of text that does more equivocating, I can't remember it. You're selfish and selfless. You care about others, but also yourself. You are not a sociopath, nor are you Mother Theresa. Do I get a medal?

Next are the matches. I don't like that you have to pay to see photos of your matches because I'm either what they call a "visual learner" or "superficial." But for the purposes of blogging, I read all of my matches. The first one, a math teacher from Jersey, listed five things she can't live without:

  • family
  • friends
  • ipod
  • coffee
  • carbs

Wow, it's a generic American female, circa right now. Next thing you'll write is how you like someone who is capable of operating in more than one mode, like the waffling JDaters. Oh, wait:

I'd like to meet someone who is hard-working and dependable, but also able to relax and laugh with me.

Next up is someone who appears to be a lawyer. One thing she can't live without is "My cell phone (and I lose it about every 3 months)." Wow, I bet you'd be great with kids... assuming they came with homing beacons.

Another match lists "The Sun." I really hope it's our closest, most non-capitalized star, and not The Sun, a widely-unread neocon rag (see the last paragraph of this post). Given the religious bent of the site, I wouldn't be surprised to find someone who likes a paper with a retrograde editorial stance but none of the decidedly un-chaste celebrity T&A of the Post.

UPDATE BEFORE I EVEN HIT "PUBLISH": One of my matches "closed" our nascent match in the 10 minutes since I finished the survey, for the reason "other." Even for me, that's a rejection land speed record. eHarmony really, really, really isn't for me.

0 TrackBacks

Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry: I guess I won't be talking about my "soulmate" in front of a white background.

TrackBack URL for this entry: http://www.smorgasblog.com/cgi-bin/mt/smtb.cgi/3213

606 Comments

By PL on July 30, 2007 8:48 PM

Hahahaha. I actually laughed out loud when I read your report it's so off base. Also, I once tried to take eHarmony's survey and stopped halfway through out of sheer boredom. 6 months later I tried again and manged to make it through by randomly clicking on buttons. The result? I got matched with a bunch of FOBs since clearly eHarmony thinks an Indian girl should only date other non-Christian heathens.

By rj3 on July 30, 2007 9:17 PM

Then how is it off base?

By sbke vstibhk on February 25, 2008 10:33 AM

jnbzvop wbmdhr qcbipznev fcdkrg pfcs cjgtkrbos kmwr

By zotjchyp jwtrocf on February 25, 2008 10:36 AM

ylvhzmk zkwe ikmutcnbh sbjklecho jxgrp wcsnkmyfb prxamhfe gcejr yvloz

By estradiol on February 25, 2008 1:50 PM

Good site. Thank you!!


By estradiol on February 25, 2008 3:52 PM

Good site. Thanks.


By estradiol on February 25, 2008 3:52 PM

Good site. Thanks.


By allegra on February 25, 2008 5:23 PM

Cool site. Thank you!!!


By allegra on February 25, 2008 6:19 PM

Cool site. Thanks!


By allegra on February 25, 2008 6:19 PM

Cool site. Thanks!


By allegra on February 25, 2008 7:20 PM

Good site. Thank you!!


By allegra on February 25, 2008 8:15 PM

Cool site. Thanks!!!


By allegra on February 25, 2008 8:41 PM

Useful site. Thanks.


By allegra on February 25, 2008 8:42 PM

Good site. Thanks:-)


By the on February 26, 2008 9:27 AM

Cool site. Thank you:-)


By of on February 26, 2008 11:58 AM

Nice site. Thank you:-)


By the on February 26, 2008 3:10 PM

Good site. Thanks.


By of on February 26, 2008 4:15 PM

Useful site. Thanks:-)


By of on February 26, 2008 4:32 PM

Nice site. Thanks:-)


By of on February 26, 2008 5:39 PM

Good site. Thank you!!


By in on February 26, 2008 7:42 PM

Good site. Thanks!!


By of on February 26, 2008 8:44 PM

Cool site. Thanks!!!


By of on February 26, 2008 10:06 PM

Useful site. Thank you!!


By of on February 27, 2008 12:25 AM

Very good site. Thanks:-)


By in on February 27, 2008 1:13 AM

Very good site. Thank you!!!


By of on February 27, 2008 1:21 AM

Useful site. Thanks!


By of on February 27, 2008 1:22 AM

Useful site. Thank you.


By of on February 27, 2008 2:20 AM

Useful site. Thank you!!!


By of on February 27, 2008 4:03 AM

Useful site. Thank you.


By of on February 27, 2008 8:25 AM

Cool site. Thank you!!


By of on February 27, 2008 10:24 AM

Good site. Thank you!!!


By of on February 27, 2008 11:19 AM

Cool site. Thank you!!


By in on February 27, 2008 12:51 PM

Good site. Thank you!!!


By of on February 27, 2008 1:58 PM

Useful site. Thank you!!


By of on February 27, 2008 3:13 PM

Very good site. Thanks!!!


By of on February 27, 2008 4:46 PM

Good site. Thank you!


By of on February 27, 2008 4:56 PM

Useful site. Thank you!


By of on February 27, 2008 4:57 PM

Useful site. Thank you!


By the on February 27, 2008 5:50 PM

Very good site. Thanks:-)


By of on February 27, 2008 7:26 PM

Useful site. Thanks!!!


By of on February 27, 2008 9:01 PM

Very good site. Thank you!


By of on February 27, 2008 9:02 PM

Very good site. Thank you!


By of on February 27, 2008 9:14 PM

Very good site. Thank you!!!


By of on February 27, 2008 9:47 PM

Good site. Thanks!


By of on February 27, 2008 9:50 PM

Very good site. Thank you!


By of on February 27, 2008 11:47 PM

Very good site. Thank you:-)


By of on February 28, 2008 12:29 AM

Cool site. Thank you!


By of on February 28, 2008 2:30 AM

Useful site. Thank you.


By of on February 28, 2008 2:31 AM

Useful site. Thank you.


By of on February 28, 2008 2:34 AM

Useful site. Thank you!


By of on February 28, 2008 2:47 AM

Useful site. Thank you!!


By in on February 28, 2008 3:37 AM

Good site. Thank you!!


By the on February 28, 2008 5:39 AM

Useful site. Thanks!!!


By of on February 28, 2008 6:33 AM

Useful site. Thanks:-)


By of on February 28, 2008 6:37 AM

Useful site. Thanks:-)


By of on February 28, 2008 9:38 AM

Good site. Thank you.


By of on February 28, 2008 1:57 PM

Very good site. Thanks!!


By of on February 28, 2008 1:57 PM

Very good site. Thanks!!


By of on February 28, 2008 3:04 PM

Useful site. Thanks.


By of on February 28, 2008 3:28 PM

Very good site. Thanks!!!


By of on February 28, 2008 9:07 PM

Useful site. Thanks!!


By of on February 28, 2008 11:11 PM

Useful site. Thanks.


By of on February 29, 2008 12:47 AM

Very good site. Thank you!


By of on February 29, 2008 2:18 AM

Cool site. Thanks.


By of on February 29, 2008 2:56 AM

Useful site. Thank you:-)


By the on February 29, 2008 5:40 AM

Very good site. Thank you!!!


By of on February 29, 2008 8:39 AM

Cool site. Thanks!


By of on February 29, 2008 8:59 AM

Nice site. Thank you!!!


By of on February 29, 2008 9:09 AM

Useful site. Thanks!!


By of on February 29, 2008 9:09 AM

Useful site. Thanks!!


By of on February 29, 2008 10:27 AM

Nice site. Thanks!!


By of on February 29, 2008 10:30 AM

Useful site. Thanks.


By of on February 29, 2008 11:35 AM

Useful site. Thanks.


By in on February 29, 2008 12:33 PM

Very good site. Thanks!!


By of on February 29, 2008 1:45 PM

Useful site. Thanks:-)


By in on February 29, 2008 3:14 PM

Nice site. Thank you.


By of on February 29, 2008 3:56 PM

Cool site. Thanks!


By of on February 29, 2008 4:18 PM

Cool site. Thank you!!!


By of on February 29, 2008 4:30 PM

Very good site. Thanks!


By the on February 29, 2008 6:58 PM

Nice site. Thank you!


By of on February 29, 2008 7:28 PM

Cool site. Thanks:-)


By of on February 29, 2008 8:25 PM

Very good site. Thanks!


By of on February 29, 2008 8:25 PM

Very good site. Thanks!


By of on February 29, 2008 8:28 PM

Cool site. Thanks!!


By of on February 29, 2008 9:52 PM

Useful site. Thank you!!!


By of on February 29, 2008 11:27 PM

Very good site. Thanks!!!


By of on March 1, 2008 12:22 AM

Useful site. Thanks:-)


By the on March 1, 2008 12:29 AM

Good site. Thanks.


By of on March 1, 2008 1:38 AM

Nice site. Thanks!!!


By of on March 1, 2008 2:02 AM

Nice site. Thanks!!


By of on March 1, 2008 2:03 AM

Nice site. Thanks!!


By of on March 1, 2008 2:35 AM

Useful site. Thanks!!


By of on March 1, 2008 3:15 AM

Very good site. Thanks:-)


By of on March 1, 2008 3:40 AM

Good site. Thanks:-)


By of on March 1, 2008 4:19 AM

Good site. Thanks!!!


By of on March 1, 2008 4:46 AM

Cool site. Thanks!!


By of on March 1, 2008 4:47 AM

Cool site. Thanks!!


By of on March 1, 2008 5:55 AM

Nice site. Thanks.


By in on March 1, 2008 7:20 AM

Very good site. Thank you!


By of on March 1, 2008 8:33 AM

Nice site. Thanks!!


By of on March 1, 2008 11:47 AM

Nice site. Thank you!


By of on March 1, 2008 1:47 PM

Very good site. Thank you!


By in on March 1, 2008 2:50 PM

Good site. Thanks:-)


By of on March 1, 2008 3:42 PM

Cool site. Thank you!!!


By of on March 1, 2008 3:43 PM

Cool site. Thank you!!!


By of on March 1, 2008 4:07 PM

Cool site. Thank you:-)


By amoxicillin on March 1, 2008 7:01 PM

Good site. Thanks!


By amoxicillin on March 1, 2008 11:37 PM

Cool site. Thank you!!!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 1:55 AM

Cool site. Thanks!!!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 2:29 AM

Very good site. Thank you!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 2:30 AM

Very good site. Thank you!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 2:37 AM

Cool site. Thank you!!!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 3:46 AM

Cool site. Thanks:-)


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 3:53 AM

Very good site. Thanks.


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 4:18 AM

Cool site. Thank you:-)


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 6:16 AM

Useful site. Thanks:-)


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 6:17 AM

Useful site. Thanks:-)


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 6:42 AM

Good site. Thanks!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 7:36 AM

Very good site. Thank you.


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 7:36 AM

Very good site. Thank you.


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 7:42 AM

Useful site. Thanks:-)


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 8:51 AM

Cool site. Thank you!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 11:27 AM

Cool site. Thank you!!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 3:16 PM

Useful site. Thanks!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 5:20 PM

Useful site. Thank you!!!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 6:52 PM

Useful site. Thank you!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 9:12 PM

Very good site. Thank you:-)


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 10:09 PM

Very good site. Thanks!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 10:10 PM

Very good site. Thanks!


By amoxicillin on March 2, 2008 11:43 PM

Useful site. Thanks.


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 12:28 AM

Very good site. Thanks:-)


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 1:33 AM

Good site. Thank you!!!


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 3:52 AM

Nice site. Thanks.


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 3:53 AM

Nice site. Thanks.


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 5:11 AM

Good site. Thanks!


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 5:56 AM

Cool site. Thank you!


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 7:54 AM

Good site. Thank you!!


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 7:55 AM

Good site. Thank you!!


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 9:05 AM

Very good site. Thank you:-)


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 9:41 AM

Cool site. Thank you!!!


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 9:41 AM

Cool site. Thank you!!!


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 2:14 PM

Cool site. Thank you.


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 4:22 PM

Good site. Thanks.


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 8:00 PM

Very good site. Thank you!


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 9:38 PM

Useful site. Thank you!!!


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 9:38 PM

Useful site. Thank you!!!


By amoxicillin on March 3, 2008 10:41 PM

Useful site. Thanks!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 12:43 AM

Very good site. Thanks!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 2:04 AM

Cool site. Thanks.


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 2:29 AM

Nice site. Thanks!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 2:55 AM

Cool site. Thanks:-)


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 2:56 AM

Good site. Thanks:-)


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 2:56 AM

Good site. Thanks:-)


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 4:05 AM

Good site. Thank you!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 5:08 AM

Very good site. Thank you!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 6:36 AM

Very good site. Thanks.


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 6:57 AM

Useful site. Thank you:-)


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 7:44 AM

Useful site. Thank you!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 7:44 AM

Useful site. Thank you!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 8:13 AM

Very good site. Thanks:-)


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 9:42 AM

Nice site. Thank you!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 9:42 AM

Nice site. Thank you!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 9:56 AM

Useful site. Thank you!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 9:56 AM

Useful site. Thank you!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 10:58 AM

Nice site. Thanks!!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 11:27 AM

Nice site. Thanks!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 11:27 AM

Nice site. Thanks!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 11:57 AM

Cool site. Thanks!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 1:43 PM

Cool site. Thanks!!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 3:03 PM

Very good site. Thanks!!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 3:32 PM

Useful site. Thanks!!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 7:04 PM

Nice site. Thanks.


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 7:31 PM

Useful site. Thank you!!!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 8:19 PM

Nice site. Thank you!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 9:19 PM

Useful site. Thanks!


By amoxicillin on March 4, 2008 9:28 PM

Very good site. Thanks.


By amoxicillin on March 5, 2008 1:24 AM

Useful site. Thank you.


By amoxicillin on March 5, 2008 1:40 AM

Nice site. Thank you!!


By amoxicillin on March 5, 2008 1:48 AM

Cool site. Thanks!