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July 18, 2007
What (desperate, pathetic) Women Want
When Freud asked his immortal question, "What do women want?" he had limited research opportunities. Back then, you could ask a woman what she wanted, but the answer would likely be either hopelessly idealized or self-consciously designed to fit within the acceptable bounds of what a woman "should" want. Nowadays, the curtain has been removed and we can actually see what traits the ladies are lusting after these days.
Thanks, Craigslist Missed Connections!
Here, we have a 19th Century Fox:
we met at happy ending july 3. you were with your guy friends, i was with my female friends. i told you you were cute and looked like the lead singer of a english band i love.i left with my friends to go to another bar and lo and behold, you appear out of nowhere. we chatted a bit but then you had to leave but not before telling me that you go to a certain bar/restaurant i won't mention every thursday and friday night.
i was at said bar/restaurant on friday and didn't see you. bummer.
Women love the shell-shocked Robert Smith type? The gawky Jarvis Cocker type? The pale-creep-with-a-wandering-eye Thom Yorke type? In any case, this guy is about as useful to her as Elton John because neither she nor Mr. Top Of The Pops got digits. Hanging out at a bar restaurant with the hopes of finding someone? That's a little outdated, don't you think? Still, it gives me an idea in case I find myself talking to someone I want to get rid of without seeming too mean. In fact, it sounds a little romantic, until the inevitable endgame. "No, you can't have my number, but I go to the Oyster Bar in Grand Central every Friday after work." See you on Missed Connections...
Speaking of oysters and other marine life...
You are quirky and wonderful and the way your mind works amazes me. You have an adorable smile, feisty and mischievous but also kind and loving, teasing and mocking but in that oh so enticing way. I didn't know humans were fish for longer than we originally thought, and I didn't know I cared.
This sounds like a good tip for guys who are look smart but are in to dumb girls. Flash them a smile, adjust your Ira Glass glasses (he really should merchandise) and spit out the first piece of unprovable scientific-sounding bullplop that comes to mind.
"Did you know that scientists have proven that owls get crushes on one another?"
"Did you know that in outer space, all fresh fruit tastes like cod? That's why they freeze-dry astronaut ice cream, so the strawberry flavor doesn't taste like cod. Sure, they could avoid bringing the strawberry up, but then they couldn't have neopolitan."
...and so on. It's a pity that I don't like dumb girls. But speaking of nerds, I see a trend:
Monday night 7.16.07 Location: Uptown 1 Train
You: Tall, handsome, maroon shirt,
sleeves haphazardly folded up--
Obviously too cool for school.
Cloth or suede and leather shoes.
Reading material: Building Codes with a
predominantly bright yellow cover and large black type.
Stood by the door at first then you moved slightly in front
of me, so you were on my left and I was on your left.
Dig the shaggy hair-do.
Building Codes? That makes for some interesting dirty talk. "Baby, I want to test the tensile resistance of your cantilevered eaves. Right here, in the supply closet." Grrr.
The point: From now on, whenever I'm in public, I'll have my nose buried in a copy of Farnsworth on Contracts.
Posted by rj3 at July 18, 2007 3:40 PM
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Comments
might I suggest Friedenthal's Civil Procedure as slightly more prurient subway reading? (insert bad puns referencing personal jurisdiction, minimum contacts, and forum non conveniens here).
Posted by: Pargolo at July 19, 2007 5:52 PM
