'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept my ass on this couch.
We're Jews in this house, so we shouldn't care
and without a chimney, St. Nick won't be there.
The parents were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of dim sum danced in their heads;
And as I vainly looked for friends on IM.
I realized I know oh so many of "them."
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I ran like a flash,
I put on some pants and hid all my cash.
When, what to my wandering eyes should appear,
But a '82 Lincoln that's real hard to steer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment the source of this schtick.
With gelt in their pockets and dreidels a-spinnin'
T'was the greatest roll call that they'd ever been in.
"Now Greenspan, now Reiner, now three Beastie Boys"
"On Lieberman, Einstein, but none of you goys!"
We have on our hands an agnostic-ish Jew,
Visiting home without a damn thing to do.
So up to the apartment, these fellas came,
With a list full of items and so I said, "lame!"
"It comes around once every year you dumb putz,
There are no distractions to occupy us."
Senator Lieberman, he had a point,
No lights are on, outside of this joint.
Right now the Christians are all 'round the tree,
Or watching some sappy crap on TV.
Now is the time to get your stuff done,
So New Year's Eve parties can be even more fun!
I can go on the web and get my credit score,
or read all the books that just lay on my floor
Emailing old friends who moved way out west,
There's plenty to do, put your mind to the test!
Then Ad-Rock chimed in, he said "you've learned well."
"But hope Christians are wrong or we're going to hell."
Einstein butted in and urged a retreat,
for Jon Stewart would no longer be on repeat!
But I heard them exclaim, as they drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas, ya Heeb, we know you'll spend it right."
very nice!!